I RECALL THE SOFT WARM SAFE TROPICAL PARADISE THAT I EXPERIENCED EVERYWHERE BEFORE I WAS DEFAMED TO THE POLICE. EVEN DURING WINTER THE WORLD WAS TRANQUIL.

I WAS NOT LIVING IN THE HARSH UNFORGIVING WORLD OF CONSTANT VIGILANCE AND CAPRICIOUS AND UNPREDICTABLE INTERVENTION. 

ALWAYS THERE WAS A PENALTY TO BE PAID BY MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I CANNOT CONTROL ANYTHING BUT WHAT I DO HERE INSIDE MY HOME. 

THE FAVORITE OUTCOME FOR THE POLICE WOULD BE MY LOSS OF THE HOUSE WHICH IS MY CRIPPLED SELF'S LAST REFUGE. 

ALL OF THIS DESTRUCTION OF THE SAFE PLEASANT WORLD WAS BROUGHT TO A HEAD BY MY EX-WIFE TRIXIE DASHEVSKY AKA BETTY COLLARD'S  ASSERTIONS THAT I HAD ABUSED HER AND THE CHILDREN.

DEFAMATORY FABRICATIONS ABOUT ME HAD BEEN USED AGAINST ME IN THE PAST SO PERPETRATORS OF DAMAGE TO MYSELF, MY PROJECTS OR PROSPECTS COULD ESCAPE RESPONSIBILITY.

MY EX-WIFE WAS AFFORDED A NEW CREDIBILITY AND PROTECTIONS AS SHE HAD DECLARED HERSELF TO BE MY VICTIM WHILE IN TRUTH I WAS HERS.

I AM NOT SURE EXACTLY WHEN THE WORLD OF TRANQUILITY, PERCEIVED SAFETY AND RELAXATION ENDED.

THE WORLD FEELS HARSH AND UNSAFE.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN THE GROWING WEIGHT OF OPPRESSION WHICH GOT WORSE AND WORSE AFTER EACH RAID.

IT WAS ADDED ONTO IMPOVERISHMENT I WAS SUBJECTED TO BY MY MOTHER AND MY WIFE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

MY EX-WIFE AND HER LAWYER SUPPLIED THE MOTIVATION FOR POLICE TO TRY TO WIPE ME RIGHT OUT EVEN THOUGH I HAD NEVER HARMED ANYONE.

THE WORLD IS NOT SOFT AND SAFE, IT IS HARD, JAGGED AND DANGEROUS.

I JUST RECALLED "COLLAPSE". IT FEELS LIKE EXTREME SLIPPERINESS HAS BEEN ENCOUNTERED OR THE DIFFERENT FEELING, LIKE WATER IS SWEEPING ME AWAY OR A PUSHED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BACK FEELING.

I COLLAPSED A NUMBER OF TIMES WITHOUT REALIZING WHAT HAPPENED.

I ASSUMED THAT I HAD SLIPPED OR STUMBLED AND I REMEMBER THAT DECADES AGO I HAD FOUND MYSELF LAYING ON MY LEFT SIDE ON THE LAWN AND I DID NOT RECOLLECT ANYTHING ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE.

IN 2001 I WAS FULLY AWARE OF COLLAPSING DOWN MY LEFT SIDE AND INJURING MY KNEE AND MY MID BACK.

IN THE LIGHT OF THIS EXPERIENCE I WAS ABLE TO RECALL PREVIOUS FALL SITUATIONS OR WHEN I COLLAPSED BUT I REMAINED SQUATTED DOWN BUT I WAS STILL ON ONE OR BOTH FEET.

Synonyms of collapse

intransitive verb

1

: to fall or shrink together abruptly and completely : fall into a jumbled or flattened mass through the force of external pressure

2

: to break down completely : DISINTEGRATE

…  …

3

: to cave or fall in or give way

.

4

: to suddenly lose force, significance, effectiveness.

5

: to break down in vital energy, stamina, or self-control.

especially : to fall helpless.

6

: to fold down into a more compact shape

Signs that it’s a seizure

The doctor will suspect seizure if you have:

• a sense déjà vu before collapsing
• major shaking as soon as you collapse
• blood in your mouth or confusion after collapsing.

• 
  

THE SENSE OF DEJA VU IS SOMETHING I HAVE EXPERIENCED.

I HAVE ALSO TASTED THE "METALLIC" TASTE IN MY MOUTH.

I HAVE BEEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND PERCEPTUALLY IMPACTED.

I HAVE ALSO BEEN PHYSICALLY IMPACTED, PARALYZED.

• Word History6

A draft of how a loss of feelings of well being came about in the 1980's.

 

I FELT a loss of energy and enthusiasm and generally felt terrible and in fugue. 

WHEN

I experienced a plethora of work for no pay, no work or pay, or work situations combined with other unsettling occurences with housing rental unavailability or loss, then finishing my house and it turning out alright but external forces and occurrences turned it into a huge loss of 8 months of work, and all of my possessions and jewelry inventory and a hundred waxes and molds to make newly designed jewelry and the equipment to cast and finish them. I also lost all of the chattels owned and used by the Family. The new house was a nightmare of landscaping work and I had no possessions and no extra money when I worked at Mccallum Volvo driving to Victoria six days a week. 

Then I had to work on stopping the flooding directed into my new home by the terrible gang of neighbors from way up the road. There was also clay and mud everywhere, the ground cover plants (grasses and wildflowers and berries) were scooped up with the top soil when it was scraped up and trucked off. 

Next I had to work for nothing at my ex-wife's business or it would have failed right away instead of two years later. Then I was extorted by my wife while I paid her business financing debt and I had to support the family. I could not buy a newspaper. 

I think all that was a precursor to or enabler of the Fugue I was subjected to after my December 21 1986 motor vehicle crash and the denial of proper compensation which followed it as usual. The liable insurer said that I was "worthless". Thus there was no financial loss on my part for being injured. I felt severe anguish.                   

I TRIED AS HARD AS I COULD BUT I HAVE BASICALLY ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT ON THE RED LINE OF BROKE.

THE FAMILY MEMBERS TOOK A MILLION PLUS FROM ME PLUS PROPERTY. MY EX-WIFE IS WELL OFF AND SO ARE MY BROTHER AND SISTER. I OWN PROPERTY BUT I HAVE NO MONEY AND I AM ACTUALLY GOING INTO DEBT.

 

I WOULD HAVE ALL OF THIS MONEY IF MY INHERITANCES HAD NOT BEEN STOLEN. I WAS ALSO EXTORTED FOR MY PALTRY EARNINGS WITH FALSE DEBT I NEVER AGREED TO ASSUME. 

IT IS ABOUT MY COLLAPSE SYNDROME.

I AM NOT HATING ANYONE I CANNOT TOLERATE. I COLLAPSE. I CAN HAVE A CONVULSION. I GET INJURED.

I HAVE SPOKEN AND WRITTEN ABOUT HAVING MY HEAD PULLED BACK AND MY NECK WRENCHED TO THE RIGHT AND THEN BEING THROWN DOWN TO THE LEFT AND SOMETIMES I WAS JUMPED ON AND CRUSHED BREATHLESS BY MY MOTHER.

THERE WAS AND IS NO WAY TO RESIST AND I AM SUSCEPTIBLE TO COLLAPSE DOWN TO THE GROUND.

DURING THE PULL BACK PART OF MY MOTHER'S ATTACKS, THE SUPPORT OF MY HEELS WOULD BE OVERWHELMED AND TO THIS DAY IF I HAVE A FORCE EXERTED ON EITHER HEEL, IT WILL LET LOOSE UPWARDS PITCHING ME OFF BALANCE AND FORWARDS.

EITHER KNEE CAN FOLD AND DROP ME TO THE SIDE.  

WHEN I COLLAPSE IT IS INVOLUNTARY AND IRRESISTIBLE. NO ONE WILL BLAME THE PERPETRATORS. THEY BLAME ME.

THIS IS HOW I WOULD COLLAPSE WHICH MAY NOT SEEM TO BE THAT BAD BUT THE FOLDED KNEE, USUALLY ON MY LEFT, IS INJURED BADLY BY OVER EXTENSION TO FLAT DURING MY COLLAPSES. I CAN ALSO HAVE A SEIZURE, WITH MY BACK ARCHING AND MY CHEST LOCKING UP. MY JAW CAN CLENCH AND SOME TEETH CAN BE KNOCKED OUT FROM THAT OR FROM THE BOTTOMING OUT PART OF THE COLLAPSE.

Licensable

 ...

  

JUST BEING IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE WHO HAD ADVERSELY AFFECTED ME COULD CAUSE TONIC IMMOBILITY, OR STIFF PERSON SYNDROME OR SHELL SHOCK TO SET IN FOR WEEKS, MONTHS OR YEARS. VIRTUAL PARALYSIS RESULTS.

When you collapse, you may become unconscious for a short while, such as when you faint. You might fall to the ground and not respond to sounds or being shaken. You collapse when your brain isn't getting enough oxygen. When you're on the ground, it's easier for your heart to pump oxygen to your brain.  From "Health Direct". The lack of oxygen to the brain could be  Postural Hypo Tension, where blood pressure goes down when it should go up due to blood vessel constriction triggered when a person stands up.

I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE REVERSE ARCH SPASM, I HAVE WOKE UP WITH IT HAPPENING THERE CAN ALSO BE A TIGHT CHEST SPASM. YOU THINK YOU WILL DIE.

I HAVE AN AVERSION REGARDING GOING INTO DEFICIT BUT I ACTUALLY AM IN DEFICIT.

I AM NOT THAT MUCH IN SHORT TERM DEBT. I ALWAYS HAVE OWED A MILLION BUCKS ON THE ROCKCLIFFE BUT THAT IS DIFFERENT LONG TERM PROPERTY ACQUISITION DEBT. THE REASON THE ROCKCLIFFE MORTGAGE IS STILL A MILLION BUCKS IS BECAUSE THE COMPLEX'S RENTS PAID FOR THE THREE HOMES IN THE COMPLEX WHICH WERE PURCHASED TWENTY YEARS AGO.

THIS IS VERY GOOD FOR FUTURE DEVELOPMENT, I AM USUALLY JUST ABOVE THE RED LINE AND NOW I AM JUST A LITTLE BIT BELOW THE RED LINE.

THIS WAS THE MOMENT I HAD ALWAYS PREPARED FOR.

I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY, I PROBABLY OWE SHORT TERM MORE THAN I WILL EARN FOR SEVERAL MONTHS. I DO HAVE A MODEST TSFA BUT IT IS LOCKED IN UNTIL MARCH 27 2025.

I HAVE LIVED THROUGH THIS IN THE PAST AND I THINK I AM BETTER PREPARED TO DEAL WITH A "NO INCOME" YEAR THAN I EVER WAS IN THE PAST. 

WHAT HAS BROKE ME IS THE COST OF RENOVATIONS AND OF THE SHUTDOWN OF SUITES DURING RENOVATION.

HAD I BEEN ABLE TO ATTEND OFTEN AT THE ROCKLIFFE AND THE TWO HOUSES, I AM SURE I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO RENOVATIONS MORE QUICKLY.

THIS IS WHY I CAN NOT WORK AT MY BUSINESS, THE ROCKCLIFFE RENTALS.

NOVEMBER 2015, I COLLAPSED, ONE FLIP OF THE BACK IN THE HALLWAY, I WAS ALARMED WHEN I HEARD THE HALL VENTILATOR RATTLING.   I HEADED FOR MY CAR. THEN I HAD AN ENTIRE LEFT SIDE COLLAPSE AS I OPENED MY CAR DOOR, I ACCORDIONED MY LEFT KNEE, HIP AND RIBS. I HAD NOT RECOVERED IN FEBRUARY 2016 WHEN POLICE AND/OR BYLAW POUNDED ON MY DOOR AT OTTER POINT AND I SEVERELY COLLAPSED ON THE LEFT SIDE; IT HAPPENED AT LEAST TWICE MORE DURING EARLY 2016.

I KNOW I WOULD COLLAPSE IF I WENT TO THE ROCKCLIFFE AND IN THE PRESENCE OF MY BROTHER ANDREW, OF MY SISTER JOANNE, OF MY EX-WIFE OR PROBABLY ANY POLICE. I DROVE PAST THE ROCKCLIFFE ON THE WAY TO THE SENIOR'S CLINIC, IN JUNE OF 2021, AND I WENT INTO A CONVULSION SEATED IN MY CAR. I BECAME SPATIALLY DISORIENTED AND I COULD NOT FIND THE ENTRANCE TO THE PARKING LOT OF CHECKPOINT SENIOR'S CLINIC. I WAS LATE AND I MISSED MY APPOINTMENT.

I WAS COLLAPSED AND MY ARMS WERE NUMB; I HELD MYSELF UP ON MY ELBOWS TIL THEY WERE RAW, AS I DROVE BACK TO OTTER POINT. 

THAT IS WHY I CAN'T GO TO MY ROCKCLIFFE APARTMENTS OR SEE MY BROTHER OR SISTER, I WILL COLLAPSE.

THE HISTORY OF LEFT SIDE COLLAPSES WHICH BEGAN AGAIN IN 2001:  

IN 2001 I ARRIVED AT THE ROCKCLIFFE TO FIND TWELVE PERSONS FROM THE ALF TOONE COOP AND ATCO FENCING IN MY PARKING LOT FENCING MY LAND OFF FROM THE PARK BEHIND THE BUILDING. BECAUSE IT WAS ADJACENT TO THAT PARK I BOUGHT THE ROCKCLIFFE.

I GOT OUT OF MY CAR AND I COLLAPSED VIOLENTLY RIGHT DOWN MY LEFT LEG AND UP MY SIDE TO MY NECK. MY JAW SLAMMED SHUT BREAKING A TOOTH.

I HAVE COLLAPSED SIMILARLY MANY TIMES SINCE THEN. WHEN I WAS THROWN DOWN AS A CHILD I WAS PUSHED DOWN TO THE LEFT BY MY MOTHER SO MANY TIMES THAT THAT IS BUILT IN AS A DEFAULT POSITION. THE THROW DOWN HAD A PULL BACKWARDS AS PART OF IT AND MY HEELS WOULD LOSE THE CONNECTION TO MY CALVES AND MY FEET WOULD FOLD BACK.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PUT MY WEIGHT ON MY HEEL, NOT THE WHOLE FOOT, AND MY FOOT WOULD FOLD BACK AND I WOULD BE PITCHED FORWARD.

I HAVE TO BALANCE AND TEETER AND CLING TO RAILINGS AND FURNITURE JUST TO GET AROUND MY HOUSE. IT WOULD NOT TAKE MUCH FOR ME TO COLLAPSE IF I WAS STANDING

EVERY TIME I SUFFERED A LOSS OF WORK, POTENTIAL OR MONEY MY BOTTOM LINE WAS DIMINISHED AND THAT NEVER GOES AWAY.

I WOULD BE ADMONISHED, "THAT WAS THIRTY YEARS AGO" BUT THE LOWERING OF MY BOTTOM LINE TO ZERO DOLLARS REMAINS THERE, IT IS ALWAYS A LOWER STARTING POINT. 

WORSE, IS THE LOSS OF OPPORTUNITY. SIXTY YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN I HAD A TEN TO FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR TRUST FROM MY PATERNAL GRANDFATHER. I WAS GOING TO PURCHASE AN ELEVEN ROOM HOTEL WITH A CAFETERIA/DANCE HALL AND A LOUNGE. I WOULD HAVE STARTED IN BUSINESS FROM THAT LUCRATIVE ENTERPRISE. I CERTAINLY WOULD NOT HAVE SUFFERED THE LIFELONG LACK OF DISPOSABLE INCOME I EXPERIENCED.

I HAD OVER A MILLION DOLLARS I WAS BEQUEATHED STOLEN FROM ME THIRTY AND FORTY YEARS AGO, I STILL THINK ABOUT THOSE LOSSES. THE DESTRUCTION OF THE EXPERIENCE THAT NOT HAVING MONEY TO INVEST IN PROJECTS CAUSED IS ANGUISHING. 

THE INTERFERENCE IN MY LIFE WHICH MY EX-WIFE CREATED DESTROYED MY MUSIC PROJECT TO OBTAIN TOP LEVEL  EMPLOYMENT AS A MUSICIAN. I WORKED FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS AND I WAS BECOMING KNOWN AS A MUSICIAN. MY EX-WIFE, GONE FOR YEARS, EMPLOYED LAWYERS AND POLICE TO MAKE SURE I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LEAVE HOME. 

THERE WAS A CONCERTED EFFORT TO DISPOSSESS ME OF MY HOME BY SEIZING IT UNDER COLOR OF LAW.

NO ONE WOULD EVER HOUSE SIT FOR ME AFTER THE POLICE STARTED COMING IN NINETEEN NINETY TWO. I WOULD WORRY WHEN I LEFT THE HOUSE THAT ANOTHER SEIZURE WOULD BE ATTEMPTED, NOBODY WOULD BE HERE AND I WOULD NOT GET BACK INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN.

   

IN THE 1970'S I SPENT YEARS WHERE I MOSTLY HAD TO HANG AROUND NOT MOVING WHICH IS "VIRTUAL PARALYSIS".

I HAVE TO LAY IMMOBILE FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME TO RECOVER FROM THE VIRTUAL PARALYSIS I EXPERIENCE. 

I REALIZED LATELY THAT I AM BEHIND ON MY NECESSARY CHORES AND I WILL TEND TO GET UP TOO SOON AS I GET OVER SHORT OR LONG TERM PARALYSIS WHICH PREVENTS RECOVERY FROM LASTING VERY LONG OR HAPPENING. 

Monday, April 8, 2019

COLLAPSE AND TONIC IMMOBILITY DEVELOPMENT

HOW DOES A SUSCEPTIBILITY DEVELOP TO SUFFER COLLAPSE IMMOBILITY AND TONIC IMMOBILITY?disablednotcompensated.blogspot.com