Thursday, July 27, 2023

ABOUT TOTAL RECALL

I FIND MYSELF REMEMBERING EVERY LITTLE THING AND LATER I REALIZE WHAT THE BIG THINGS WERE.


I WAS WATCHING A SPY MOVIE SERIES, BERLIN STATION, AND I NOTICED A CHARACTER WAS  SPEAKING ABOUT SOMETHING HE HAD NOT EVER BEEN INFORMED ABOUT. TRIVIAL, BUT IT DOES INDICATE THAT I POSSESS ACCURATE PERCEPTION AND RECALL.


I REMEMBER THINGS WHICH THE PERSON I AM SPEAKING TO WAS THE MAJOR CHARACTER IN AND THEY DO NOT QUICKLY RECALL WHAT THEY DID!


I HAVE TAKEN GINKGO  BILOBA  FOR AT LEAST 30 YEARS. NUTRITIONAL YEAST WAS A STAPLE. I HAD MULTIVITAMIN, FOLIC ACID, SELENIUM, CALCIUM, D3, GLUCOSAMINE  CHONDRIOTIN AND DIGESTIVE ENZYMES AS WELL. 


FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS, IN ADDITION I HAVE CONSUMED L-ORNITHINE , LYSINE, L-ARGININE, MAGNESIUM CITRATE, LECITHIN, AND PROBIOTICS.


I DO NOT EAT PROCESSED FOOD. I DO NOT EAT MEAT. I DO CONSUME SUGAR AND HONEY IN MODERATION AND MY DIET IS PROBABLY 80 % VEGETABLES, WITH PART OF THAT BEING FRUIT WHICH I HAVE IN MY DAILY PROTEIN SHAKE.

Monday, July 24, 2023

ABOUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH I HAVE TO BECOME ATHLETIC AND FIT TO OVERCOME "STIFF PERSON" OR TONIC IMMOBILITY OR SHELL SHOCK AND BECOME ACTIVE AGAIN.


TIMES WHEN I WAS VERY FIT WILL BE CITED AS "YOU ARE NOT DISABLED."


I WAS PONDERING THIS AND I REALIZED THAT DURING THE TIMES I WAS RECOVERED FROM MY DISABILITY IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED BY MY GRADUALLY AND SLOWLY BECOMING MORE AND MORE FIT.


DISABLED IN 1970, I WAS VIRTUALLY PARALYZED UNTIL 1974. I BECAME FIT BY ICE SKATING AND ROLLER SKATING BY 1977.


I HAD ONLY A COUPLE OF DAYS PER WEEK OF PROPER MOBILITY FROM 1974 TO 1977.


INJURED IN DECEMBER OF 1986, I ROSE TO A VERY FIT STATE IN 1991 AND 1992 THROUGH MUSIC PRACTICE AND DANCE PRACTICE WHICH I DID NEARLY EVERY DAY BY 1990.


WHEN I WAS IN ENGLAND IN THE FALL OF 1992 I WAS DANCING AND PERFORMING SO WELL CHARLIE WATTS ASKED ME TO JOIN HIM AT THE JAZZ CLUB TO PLAY WITH HIS JAZZ BAND. THEN I WAS INFORMED THAT POLICE, CRD , BAILIFFS AND SHERIFFS WERE SENT TO MY HOME TO SEIZE IT AND MY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS BY MY EX-WIFE WHO CLAIMED THAT MY HOUSE WAS"HER FUTURE SUPPORT AND I WAS NEGLECTING IT". 


I WAS TERRIFIED, I HAD TO GET BACK TO MY HOUSE AND NOT LEAVE IT. I TOTALLY LOST MY VIM, MY VIGOR AND MY CONFIDENCE. I COULD NOT PERSUADE ANYONE TO STAY AT OTTER POINT HOUSE BECAUSE THE POLICE WERE TRYING TO SEIZE MY HOME.


IN 1993 MY EX-WIFE, ALLEGEDLY DELIVERING MY SON LOUIS FOR A VISIT LUNGED AT ME, SCRATCHED AT MY EYES AND ACCUSED ME OF DEALING COCAINE. I THOUGHT I HAD SLIPPED ON EMPTY 2 L PLASTIC BOTTLES. I HAD ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED A DAMAGING LONG LASTING COLLAPSE. IT WAS NOT UNTIL 1996 THAT I MANAGED TO ROLLERBLADE AND DO MUSIC PRACTICE AND DANCE MY WAY TO A FIT STATE AGAIN. 


IN OCTOBER OF 1996 I WAS FALSELY IMPRISONED, FROZEN, CHAINED FOR SIX HOURS IN AN UNHEATED UNVENTILATED SHERIFF VAN AND TERRIBLY PHYSICALLY CRIPPLED AGAIN. 


I COULD NO LONGER DANCE BUT I ROLLERBLADED MY WAY TO FITNESS AGAIN BY LATE 1997. I WAS CRASHED INTO BY PINCOMBE IN DECEMBER OF 1997. THEN, JUNE 8 1998, THE SAINT MICHAEL'S BUS LIFTED MY CAR BY ITS DOOR BY J-HOOKING AND THE CAR CAME DOWN ON MY HEAD. 


WITHIN A FEW WEEKS I WAS DISABLED AS BADLY AS I HAD EVER BEEN AND I NEVER DANCED LIVE ON ANY STAGE AGAIN, I DID STILL DANCE WITH WOMEN, AT CLUBS, AND I DID ROLLERBLADE AND DO MUSIC PRACTICE SOMEHOW.  


THE FINAL BLOWS WERE STRUCK BY MY BEING SWARMED BY SHERIFFS WHEN I WAS A PLAINTIFF IN MY CIVIL CASE IN THE BRITISH COLUMBIA SUPREME COURT. I DEVELOPED A SEVERE SWAYBACK AND I WAS TERRIFIED OF ROLLERBLADING AND MANY OTHER THINGS. 

MY BROTHER ANDREW, UNINVITED, STORMED INTO MY HOUSE SHOUTING THAT HE WAS GOING TO TELL  THE POLICE I WAS HARASSING HIM.  

I HAD LEARNED ABOUT THE THEFT OF MY INHERITANCES FROM AUNT ANNETTE AND UNCLE ALBERT AND I PHONED ANDREW ABOUT THAT. HE DID NOT ANSWER, I LEFT TWO MESSAGES.

HE TORE UP THE LAWN WITH HIS TRUCK, HE KICKED HENRY DOG AND HE HIT ME IN MY CHEST AT OTTER POINT HOUSE WITH A TEN FINGER TAI CHI BLOW AND I NEVER PLAYED HARMONICA AGAIN FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE OR SO. 


I CANNOT RECALL WHAT HAPPENED FIRST, THE SWARMING OR THE BLOW. I THINK BOTH ATROCITIES WERE IN 2001.


I KNOW THIS: I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED, I HAVE NEVER DANCED AGAIN, I HAVE NOT PERFORMED IN PUBLIC AGAIN, I CANNOT ROLLERBLADE.


 


I COULD STILL DO THIS EVEN AFTER I HAD A SERIES OF COLLAPSES IN 2015 AND 2016, BUT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY AND FOR ONLY A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. 


IN 2021 I WAS WALKING PAST THE DITCH THE REDNECK LAND RAPERS DUG TO RUIN MY PROPERTY. THE C-CAN WE WERE GOING TO INSTALL BLOCKED MOST OF THE DRIVEWAY.


MY LEFT LEG COLLAPSED ( THE SIGHT OF THE DITCH HAD CAUSED COLLAPSES PREVIOUSLY) AND I FELL INTO THE DITCH AND SINCE THEN I COULD NOT EVEN DO MUSIC PRACTICE ANYMORE. I CAN NOT GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING (WHERE I AM NOT SEATED) FOR MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES. 

Friday, July 21, 2023

 

When a Narcissistic Parent Scapegoats the Other Parent: a.k.a. Parental Alienation

In today's video I examine the destructive impact of one parent scapegoating the other. Also known as parental alienation, this practice requires the child to side with the narcissistic parent or else. First, I discuss two reasons why a narcissistic parent scapegoats the other parent. Second, I describe the emotional and developmental costs to the child of the scapegoat parent.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fggZyMXlDpI   This is his video I have not watched it yet.


The description sounds like home life with my Mother and with my ex-wife. even now that I am virtually Paralyzed at age seventy seven I continue to be "the accused".



Tuesday, July 11, 2023

I CONTINUALLY THEORIZE ABOUT THE CAUSE AND NATURE OF MY DISABILITY BUT THAT MAY NOT MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT WAS DONE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AS A RESULT.

I WOULD EXPERIENCE AN AUTO CRASH INJURY OR A COLLAPSE OR A CONVULSION AND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE EVENT WOULD NOT BE EVIDENT IN ITS TOTALITY UNTIL MUCH LATER. 


THE ONLY PERTINENT INFORMATION WOULD BE THE CHRONICLING OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND HOW MUCH IT AFFECTED MYSELF, MY WORK OR MY PROSPECTS AND FOR HOW LONG.



THE UNRAVELING OF WHAT EVENT CAUSED WHAT DISABILITY AND HOW LONG IT LASTED FOR IS DIFFICULT WHEN THERE ARE MANY CONSECUTIVE EVENTS. I WOULD SAY THAT THAT IS NOT NECESSARY. WHATEVER SYMPTOMS I AM EXPERIENCING SHOULD BE THOUGHT OF AS A CULMINATIVE SERIES OF EFFECTS.



ONLY A SYMPTOM FREE AND NOT DISABLED AND LENGTHY PERIOD OF TIME WOULD INDICATE RECOVERY FROM A DISABILITY. 


Wednesday, July 5, 2023

WE HAVE DOMESTIC TORTURERS IN CANADA ACTING LIKE MILITARISTIC REGIMES, TORTURING CANADIAN CITIZENS. I HAD MY ASSETS SEIZED AS WELL. HAVING AN INHERITANCE SNACHED AWAY ON INHERITANCE DAY IS TORTURE.

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 5, 2023

THERE IS A SAMENESS TO THE ACTIONS OF MILITARISTIC GOVERNMENTS AND THE ACTIONS OF VANDALS AND THIEVES IN ONE'S NEIGHBORHOOD OR ONE'S FAMILY. IS ALL OF THAT BAD BEHAVIOR PREMEDITATED TORTURE?


PUTIN IS LAYING WASTE TO THE FARMS AND THE BUILDINGS IN THE UKRAINE.

THE DEVASTATED UKRAINE LOOKS VERY SIMILAR TO MY OLD HOUSE SITE AND THE DEFORESTED AND STRIPPED  LAND.





THE ISRAELIS DUG HUGE DITCHES IN FRONT OF THE PALESTINIANS' HOUSES.


THE DITCH IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE IS WAY DEEPER AND MUCH WIDER AND IT GOES ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY MEADOW FOR HUNDREDS OF FEET.


THE ISRAELIS TORE UP PALESTINIAN FARM LAND.


THE LAND IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE SITE WAS THICKLY COVERED IN TOPSOIL WHICH STRETCHED 300 FEET TO THE ROAD. THAT FERTILE SOIL IS GONE, ONLY INFERTILE HARD PAN CLAY WAS LEFT.

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Sunday, July 2, 2023

ABOUT THE PERMANENT NATURE OF REVERSALS OF FORTUNE.

I HAD MY "DAY JOB" (AFTERNOONS) UNTIL 1970 AT THE CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILROAD AND THEN MY DAY JOB, 1974 TO 1979 AT ADVANCED METHOD JEWELRY MANUFACTURING. 


I WAS ALWAYS WORKING AT DEVELOPING MY WRITING, ART AND MUSIC PROJECTS.


A NUMBER OF REVERSALS OF FORTUNE OCCURRED, INJURY AND JOB LOSS, THE UNLAWFUL EVICTION FROM MY "PERMANENT RENTAL" WITH THE BC DEVELOPMENT CORPORATION.





THEN THERE WAS THE THEFT AND ARSON WHERE I MOVED TO AT OTTER POINT.



I WAS REVERSED OUT OF ALL OF THE AVENUES TO EVEN JUST BEING ABLE TO SUSTAIN A HOME AND MY FAMILY.


I LOST SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT I WAS NOT MOVING FORWARD ALONG ANY OF THE AVENUES TO SUCCESS WHICH I HAD WORKED AT AS I STRUGGLED TO REMAIN SOLVENT AND I TRIED TO BUY ANOTHER HOUSE WHICH WOULD BE IN VICTORIA NEAR WHERE I WAS WORKING.


WELL THROW ME INTO REVERSE AGAIN: I WAS ORDERED TO REBUILD ON THE SAME PROPERTY BY THE INSURANCE COMPANY AND THEN I WAS FORCED TO CREATE A NEW HOUSE SITE BY THE CRD. 


I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE END RESULT WHICH IS A LIFETIME OF MOSTLY NEGATIVE DISPOSABLE CASH FLOW AND A WHOLE LOT OF SITTING AROUND WITH NOTHING PLEASANT TO DO AND NO ONE PLEASANT AROUND HERE TO TALK TO AND AN ABSOLUTE WASTELAND, DEVOID OF INTERESTING EXPERIENCES, WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.




Saturday, July 1, 2023

I WAS COMPLETELY TRAINED AND CONDITIONED TO WORK AT THE CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILROAD.

 



WHEN I SEE THE YARD AT NIGHT AM NOT REPELLED NOR DISQUIETED, I FEEL A SURGE OF ENERGY, I FEEL READY TO WORK.


WHY WOULD THIS BE ALRIGHT? A LATE AFTERNOON SHIFT JOB WITH LOW PAY.


IT IS THE "DAY JOB" THING, THE WORK YOU DO TO PAY THE RENT AND BUY FOOD IS ESSENTIAL IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO PURSUE OTHER GOALS, SUCH AS WRITING, ART AND MUSIC. 


IN ADDITION THERE IS ALWAYS THE FOND HOPE THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED WITH YOUR CREATIVE WORK WHICH YOU ARE MORE EXCITED BY THAN YOU ARE BY THE ``DAY JOB``.


STILL, THERE WAS AN ENJOYMENT OF DOING THE RAILROAD WORK WHICH AFTER ALL WAS REALLY PLAYING TRAINS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS THE YARD FOREMAN DIRECTING THE TRAIN MOVEMENTS.


IT WAS PRETTY WELL CERTAIN THAT IF I DID NOT SUCCEED WITH THE WRITING ART AND MUSIC I WOULD HAVE ENJOYED RUNNING THAT CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILROAD.


AFTER MY FIRST MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH INJURY I WAS OFF WORK FOR EIGHT MONTHS. I RETURNED TO WORK BUT I HAD TO TAKE A WEEK OFF EACH MONTH TO RECUPERATE.


INSTEAD OF CONSIDERING MY RETURN TO WORK BEFORE I COMPLETELY RECOVERED AS ADMIRABLE, I THINK THAT WAS TREATED AS IF I WAS OVERINDULGING MYSELF WITH TIME OFF. 


EVEN WORSE, I HAD A DISABILITY INSURANCE PURCHASED THROUGH THE CANADIAN NATIONAL AND I WAS HATEFULLY DENIED MY BENEFIT WHICH SHOULD HAVE EVEN PAID FOR MY WEEK PER MONTH WHICH I WAS OFF WORK.


WHY WOULD NO ONE HELP ME TO OBTAIN MY BENEFITS? 


I HAD BEEN A CANADIAN NATIONAL EMPLOYEE FOR FIVE YEARS BEFORE THE MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH WHICH LEFT ME STILL STRUGGLING TO RECOVER IN 1970 (by then I had been an employee for seven years) WHEN I WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED IN A MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH AS AN AUTOMOBILE PASSENGER.