MY REACTION TO A PAUCITY OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WAS SELF DEFEATING

I GOT MARRIED IN 1978 TO HAVE CONSTANT ACCESS TO A SEX PARTNER. I HIRED MY GIRLFRIEND IN 1990 TO DO REAL WORK AND TO HAVE ACCESS TO A SEX PARTNER.

Neither one of those plans worked out for very long as a constant.

I wanted to be able to support the women and have the normal regular sexual activity playfully generated by affection.

With a casual girlfriend or an ex girlfriend there is no certainty that there will be sexual activity and that is frankly wearing.

When I have a social and economic union with a woman I do not want to endure sexual uncertainty and frustration.

I think that having my ex wife refuse to fuck regularily and easily and then wearing skin tight bare ass clothes while NOT fucking  screwed up my normal friendly playful attitude towards sex.

How that is very damaging is that you will get no sex at home from the bareassed wife. Bare asses signal sex time. But I am not going to get any and suffer the gross cruelty of the wife "don't touch me you disgust me".

I have no hope of being able to go out to a Dance Club and meet someone and have sex because UI am busy with the Family and the useless wife and have no time or money to get out and meet any women.

My girlfriend did a number of damaging things while she was perhaps not as stable as she was at other times. She did work. 

She and a friend of hers were here when my ex wife tried to seize my house. She sent RCMP, CRD, and Bailiffs. How could she be paid off three times over and do that. That was so close for me to hitting the street homeless I feel weak every time I think of this.

My last long term girlfriend dumped me in 1998 after I got injured again in a Motor Vehicle Accident that wiped me out.

Fast forward a few years and I am about to have sex with a woman I knew for the second time. She was smiling, appealing, acailable and suddenly I felt collapse and she was repulsed by what she saw. I was very sexually damaged goods by this time.

I was in two situations where I was dominated and threatened with Police by a woman and by a Man allegedly protecting a poor vulnerable Female Agressor with a Narcissistic modus operandi where I would lose my grocery money.

Felix always wore bare ass tights and a wrap.

A really nice ass which I would rether hold than be abused with.

This stuff just adds up and adds up as a mental disquietment.

I really do feel bad: there is always an empty feeling of no friends, no affection.

TWO POLICE TRUCKS IN THE YARD IN FEBRUARY OF 2016. I WAS LATE AT THE SHOVELLING OF SNOW IN VICTORIA.

I had collapses where I went right down to fold up my knee flat to the ground then when I was in the shower and several times in the time following that situation.

June 8 2016 I heard a honking in the driveway. "Thank you for honking instead of kicking at the doors like the last guy did.``

I can have no other reaction possible to a women in a bulletproof vest with a radio on her neck but to fear unjust punishment. 

I have other reactions which I would document under the right circumstances.

WHAM OUT OF THE POLICE TRUCK AN ASS TOTALLY WHITE STRETCHED OUT TIGHTS. I WENT INTO A CONVULSION. THE CULMINATION OF ALL THAT SEXUAL ABUSE AS THE `` BARE ASS MEANS SEX`` DOES NOT MEAN THE USUAL. SHE IS RUNNING AROUND BARE ASS. WHY? WOULD YOU THINK THAT THE ACCUSING BULLETPROOF VESTED COMPANION MIGHT SCREW MY MIND UP? IT STILL IS.