I RECALL THE SOFT WARM SAFE TROPICAL PARADISE THAT I EXPERIENCED EVERYWHERE BEFORE I WAS DEFAMED TO THE POLICE. EVEN DURING WINTER THE WORLD WAS TRANQUIL.

I WAS NOT LIVING IN THE HARSH UNFORGIVING WORLD OF CONSTANT VIGILANCE AND CAPRICIOUS AND UNPREDICTABLE INTERVENTION. 

ALWAYS THERE WAS A PENALTY TO BE PAID BY MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I CANNOT CONTROL ANYTHING BUT WHAT I DO HERE INSIDE MY HOME. 

THE FAVORITE OUTCOME FOR THE POLICE WOULD BE MY LOSS OF THE HOUSE WHICH IS MY CRIPPLED SELF'S LAST REFUGE. 

ALL OF THIS DESTRUCTION OF THE SAFE PLEASANT WORLD WAS BROUGHT TO A HEAD BY MY EX-WIFE TRIXIE DASHEVSKY AKA BETTY COLLARD'S  ASSERTIONS THAT I HAD ABUSED HER AND THE CHILDREN.

DEFAMATORY FABRICATIONS ABOUT ME HAD BEEN USED AGAINST ME IN THE PAST SO PERPETRATORS OF DAMAGE TO MYSELF, MY PROJECTS OR PROSPECTS COULD ESCAPE RESPONSIBILITY.

MY EX-WIFE WAS AFFORDED A NEW CREDIBILITY AND PROTECTIONS AS SHE HAD DECLARED HERSELF TO BE MY VICTIM WHILE IN TRUTH I WAS HERS.

I AM NOT SURE EXACTLY WHEN THE WORLD OF TRANQUILITY, PERCEIVED SAFETY AND RELAXATION ENDED.

THE WORLD FEELS HARSH AND UNSAFE.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN THE GROWING WEIGHT OF OPPRESSION WHICH GOT WORSE AND WORSE AFTER EACH RAID.

IT WAS ADDED ONTO IMPOVERISHMENT I WAS SUBJECTED TO BY MY MOTHER AND MY WIFE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

MY EX-WIFE AND HER LAWYER SUPPLIED THE MOTIVATION FOR POLICE TO TRY TO WIPE ME RIGHT OUT EVEN THOUGH I HAD NEVER HARMED ANYONE.

THE WORLD IS NOT SOFT AND SAFE, IT IS HARD, JAGGED AND DANGEROUS.

I JUST RECALLED "COLLAPSE". IT FEELS LIKE EXTREME SLIPPERINESS HAS BEEN ENCOUNTERED OR THE DIFFERENT FEELING, LIKE WATER IS SWEEPING ME AWAY OR A PUSHED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BACK FEELING.

I COLLAPSED A NUMBER OF TIMES WITHOUT REALIZING WHAT HAPPENED.

I ASSUMED THAT I HAD SLIPPED OR STUMBLED AND I REMEMBER THAT DECADES AGO I HAD FOUND MYSELF LAYING ON MY LEFT SIDE ON THE LAWN AND I DID NOT RECOLLECT ANYTHING ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE.

IN 2001 I WAS FULLY AWARE OF COLLAPSING DOWN MY LEFT SIDE AND INJURING MY KNEE AND MY MID BACK.

IN THE LIGHT OF THIS EXPERIENCE I WAS ABLE TO RECALL PREVIOUS FALL SITUATIONS OR WHEN I COLLAPSED BUT I REMAINED SQUATTED DOWN BUT I WAS STILL ON ONE OR BOTH FEET.

Synonyms of collapse

intransitive verb

1

: to fall or shrink together abruptly and completely : fall into a jumbled or flattened mass through the force of external pressure

2

: to break down completely : DISINTEGRATE

…  …

3

: to cave or fall in or give way

.

4

: to suddenly lose force, significance, effectiveness.

5

: to break down in vital energy, stamina, or self-control.

especially : to fall helpless.

6

: to fold down into a more compact shape

Signs that it’s a seizure

The doctor will suspect seizure if you have:

• a sense déjà vu before collapsing
• major shaking as soon as you collapse
• blood in your mouth or confusion after collapsing.

• 
  

THE SENSE OF DEJA VU IS SOMETHING I HAVE EXPERIENCED.

I HAVE ALSO TASTED THE "METALLIC" TASTE IN MY MOUTH.

I HAVE BEEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND PERCEPTUALLY IMPACTED.

I HAVE ALSO BEEN PHYSICALLY IMPACTED, PARALYZED.

• Word History6

A draft of how a loss of feelings of well being came about in the 1980's.

 

I FELT a loss of energy and enthusiasm and generally felt terrible and in fugue. 

WHEN

I experienced a plethora of work for no pay, no work or pay, or work situations combined with other unsettling occurences with housing rental unavailability or loss, then finishing my house and it turning out alright but external forces and occurrences turned it into a huge loss of 8 months of work, and all of my possessions and jewelry inventory and a hundred waxes and molds to make newly designed jewelry and the equipment to cast and finish them. I also lost all of the chattels owned and used by the Family. The new house was a nightmare of landscaping work and I had no possessions and no extra money when I worked at Mccallum Volvo driving to Victoria six days a week. 

Then I had to work on stopping the flooding directed into my new home by the terrible gang of neighbors from way up the road. There was also clay and mud everywhere, the ground cover plants (grasses and wildflowers and berries) were scooped up with the top soil when it was scraped up and trucked off. 

Next I had to work for nothing at my ex-wife's business or it would have failed right away instead of two years later. Then I was extorted by my wife while I paid her business financing debt and I had to support the family. I could not buy a newspaper. 

I think all that was a precursor to or enabler of the Fugue I was subjected to after my December 21 1986 motor vehicle crash and the denial of proper compensation which followed it as usual. The liable insurer said that I was "worthless". Thus there was no financial loss on my part for being injured. I felt severe anguish.