ON BEING UNFLAPPABLE:

I WAS,

 

UNTIL MY HOUSE WAS BURNT,

MY LAND WAS RAPED,

 

AND POLICE MADE UP  NONSENSE AND CHAINED ME UP AND FROZE ME WHILE TRANSFERRING ME AROUND AND I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED.

Notes for blog.

When I turned 18, my Mother stole my trust fund from my Paternal Grandfather. I attended school for 14 years. I was on year 3 of a "Senior Management'' program at the CNR and I was expelled because I HAD CHANGED courses. How did they even know? I was thrown out of University at 19. I had a meeting with the University President Colin B. McKay where he spoke only about my Newspaper and how I should help the administration rather than criticize them. It is likely I was written to, but maybe not, my Mother always stole and kept my mail. Mother triumphantly handed me a letter from UNB as I was literally About to leave Montreal to go to saying I was "NOT READMISSIBLE". It was a stamp. STAMPED OVER MY TRANSCRIPTS.  

At 21 I was denied my unable to work insurance and that happened again when I was injured in a motor vehicle accident for a second time. How many people be able to stand that. It is no wonder i went into virtual paralysis.

Today November 9, 2013 I lifted a 5 gallon can of gasoline into the trunk of the car. I became paralyzed; I could not get up for hours.

Is that hypo tension, low blood pressure, or does the pressure in the spinal column shut me down. 

is that "Where the architecture of the back will not support the back the back will not support itself", Strain and Counterstrain. 

I WAS INJURED AS A PASSENGER IN A MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT IN MAY 1970.

I HAD BEEN INJURED PREVIOUSLY BUT I RECOVERED ENOUGH TO BE WORKING THREE WEEKS ON, ONE WEEK OFF, AS A CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILROAD YARD FOREMAN IN VANCOUVER BC. 

I RECEIVED VERY LITTLE ASSISTANCE. I WAS ON MY OWN WITHOUT MY "OUT OF WORK" INSURANCE. THAT WAS THE CNR CLERK HELPING OUT THE INSURANCE COMPANY. THE CLERK WAS SURE I WAS FAKING AND THAT STARVATION WOULD DRIVE ME BACK TO WORK. HOWEVER, I WAS PARALYZED UNTIL 1974 AND I WAS SETTLED WITH THROUGH FRAUD IN 1975, FOR THE PALTRY SUM OF $10,000.

YOU CAN READ ABOUT EVERYTHING WHICH HAPPENED IN MY COLLECTION OF blogs@blogspot WHICH I EMAILED TO YOU AND TO JOHN HORGAN PREVIOUSLY.

WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT IS THE LACK OF ASSISTANCE I HAVE BEEN AFFORDED, I HAD BEEN A CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILROAD EMPLOYEE (srb 673990-3) FOR 7 YEARS BY 1970. I RECEIVED NO GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE AND I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH PERIODS OF SEVERE PARALYSIS WITH PERIODS OF VARYING PARTIAL RECOVERY FROM TIME TO TIME ALWAYS ON MY OWN. THERE IS NO ONE TO ASSIST ME, I DO HIRE PAINTERS AND YARD WORKERS, BUT I MOSTLY STRUGGLE AND HURT MYSELF WITHOUT ANY HELP DOING WHAT ESSENTIAL WORK THAT I MANAGE TO DO.

HOWEVER IT SEEMS THERE ARE ALWAYS 4 TO 6 OR MORE POLICE AND BY-LAW AVAILABLE TO HARASS AND INTIMIDATE ME AND TERRORIZE ME AND I COLLAPSE.

I CAREFULLY OBEY ALL LAWS AND REGULATIONS SO AS NOT TO BE SUBJECTED TO TERRORIZATION AND COLLAPSE BUT THIS IS DEFEATED BY THE FALSE COMPLAINANTS WHO CAN USE FAKE 911 CALLS TO SEND POLICE TO MY HOUSE. THEY ALWAYS COME UNANNOUNCED AND IN FORCE AND WITHOUT A WARRANT. I CANNOT FIND A LAW OR REGULATION WHICH PERMITS THIS TO HAPPEN. 

WHY HAS THERE NEVER BEEN ANYONE TO ASSIST ME, I AM A DISABLED PERSON.

WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS MANY MEN AVAILABLE TO DRIVE OUT HERE TO OTTER POINT FROM SOOKE OR LANGFORD OR EVEN FROM VICTORIA TO TERRORIZE ME WHEN THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CONVICTION RESULTING FROM THIS EGREGIOUS OVERREACHING AND THERE IS NEVER ANYONE HERE BUT MYSELF. ( I HAD A TENANT BEFORE 2000.) MY EMPLOYEES NEVER PHONED POLICE FOR PROTECTION AND NEITHER DID I. 

I WILL HAVE TO LAY FLAT NOW I CANNOT WRITE ANY MORE BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM WRITING AND THERE IS EVERYTHING IN DETAIL IN THE blogs AND IN THE email sent to my MLA. 

OTTER POINT HOUSE FROM THE FRONT AND AT THE REAR, THE EXTENDED CHIMNEY VIEWED FROM ROOF OF THE HOUSE.

 

  

picture of "the mob".

 

 

AS SOON AS HE WAS ELECTED I WENT TO SEE JOHN HORGAN MY MLA. HE SAID "YOU WILL HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING INTO WRITING". I DID THAT BUT THERE WAS NEVER ANY ATTENTION TO MY REQUESTS FOR ASSISTANCE. I CONTINUED TO WRITE AND WRITE AND WRITE ANS WRITE AND PUBLISH THAT.

ART IN ORDINARY HOME STYLE ARCHITECTURE.

WHEN YOU GET AROUND THE BACK OF MY OTTER POINT HOUSE, ARCHITECTURE IS PLAIN. THE SHED IS A SQUARE WITH A FLAT ROOF AND TWO SMALL WINDOWS.

THE EXCEPTION IS THE TOWER, IN A FORMERLY WASTED SLOPING AREA IN THE RIGHT ANGLE BETWEEN THE HOUSE AND THE SHED. THE TOWER RISES ON ITS CONCRETE WALL CLEANLY AND INVISIBLY SOARING STRAIGHT UP AND THAT IS MADE MORE CASTILIAN BY ITS CANTILEVER  UPPER FLOOR AND STEEP ROOF AND WITH HUGE GLASS WINDOWS ON EVERY FACE.

THERE WAS STILL AN UNSIGHTLY HOLLOW AT THE BASE OF THE TOWER. THERE WAS ALSO A PILE OF 2" X 6"  PRESSURE TREATED PLANKS FROM A DEMOLISHED DECK. I DESIGNED A TRIANGULAR DECK FINISHED IN GREY LIKE A POST WAR PORCH FLOOR WITH AN ENCLOSURE MADE FROM RECYCLED PATIO DOORS THAT OPENED ON TO A "FRENCH BALCONY" RAILING.

A GREEN TRANSLUCENT ROOF MADE FROM REUSED FIBERGLASS PANELS IS SUPPORTED BY A SPIDER WEB OF THIN ROOF JOISTS, IT FEELS VICTORIAN. 

THE MOST ARTFUL PART OF THE DECK IS THE SUBSTRUCTURE COMPOSED OF LARGE DIMENSION LUMBER AND POSTS, GUSSETED BY LARGE THICK TRIANGLES OF WOOD, VERY NICELY PAINTED. THERE IS NOTHING UNSIGHTLY ANYMORE, NOT EVEN UNDER THE DECK. 

I WILL TAKE SOME PICTURES AND POST THEM IN THIS ARTICLE. I DID THAT AND HERE ARE A FEW MORE PICTURES.

THE OTTER POINT HOUSE FRONT DECK WAS ENTIRELY RECONSTRUCTED ALSO.

THE YEARS FOR WHICH SOME IMPEDIMENT HAS CONTINUED AND THE PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED ACTIVITIES HAVE NOT CONTINUED SURELY ARE EVIDENCE THAT SOMETHING NEGATIVE OR DISABLING HAD HAPPENED.

VIRTUAL PARALYSIS CAN BE LIKE BEING ENCASED IN CONCRETE OR WADING IN MUD, IT IS INCREDIBLY HARD TO MOVE.

I AM SUFFERING FROM ANOTHER PERIOD OF VIRTUAL PARALYSIS, A SYMPTOM OF STIFF PERSON SYNDROME OR TONIC IMMOBILITY. 

I ENDURED MONTHS OR YEARS OF THIS DISABLING INABILITY TO STAND OR SIT, I HAD TO LAY DOWN AND STAY DOWN FOR MOST OF THE DAY FOR MONTHS IN 1967 AND 1968 AND AGAIN FROM 1970 TO 1974 AND I HAD TO SLEEP EVERY FOUR HOURS OR OR EVEN AFTER FORTY MINUTES OF MOBILITY TO REMAIN ACTIVE AFTER THAT UNTIL 1978 AND AGAIN FROM 1986 UNTIL  1992 AND AGAIN FOR MANY YEARS AFTER THAT, IT WAS NOT AS BAD BUT I NEVER REALLY RECOVERED.

DOES THIS NOT MEAN THAT WHEN I WAS INJURED THROUGH COLLISION, CONVULSION OR  COLLAPSE SOMETHING SERIOUS AND DISABLING HAPPENED.

EVIDENCE

THE SIGNS OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED ARE EASY TO SEE AND CONCLUSIVE TO ME.

LEONARD SAID "LAY ALL THE PARTS OUT ON NEWSPAPER AS YOU DISASSEMBLE WHAT YOU ARE WORKING ON AND CHECK FOR SCRATCHES AND WEAR MARKS."

THE CSI PROGRAMS WERE TELEVISED AND OBSERVING EVIDENCE TO DETERMINE WHAT HAD HAPPENED BECAME A COMMON PRACTICE.

I FIND MYSELF BEING DISBELIEVED AND THEN PEOPLE SEEM TO BE UNABLE TO ACCEPT MY PROOFS WHICH ARE BASED ON VISIBLE EVIDENCE AND EVEN LESS THOSE WHICH ARE A REALITY CHECK.

REALITY CHECK: HOW DID THE POLE GET INSTALLED SEVENTEEN FEET UP?

VISIBLE EVIDENCE: THE SHELF LEFT WHERE THE POLE IS. THE POLE WAS INSTALLED BY DRIVING THE POLE TRUCK ALONG THE GROUND BEFORE IT WAS EXCAVATED AWAY TO LOWER THE HOUSE SITE FOR THE HOUSE IN A HOLE.

THIS IS A PICTURE OF THE HOUSE IN A HOLE TAKEN FROM THE FOOT OF THE POWER POLE PICTURED ABOVE.

THE RED GAS CAN IS IN BOTH PICTURES.

REALITY CHECK: WOULD I PLAN TO BUILD MY HOUSE DOWN IN A HOLE?

VISIBLE EVIDENCE: THERE IS A FURNACE CHIMNEY CLEAN OUT WHICH WAS BURIED SEVEN FEET DEEP. IT WAS INSTALLED AS THE PLAN INDICATED WHERE IT WOULD BE ON GROUND LEVEL BUT IT WAS BURIED BY BACK FILLING AGAINST THE "HOUSE IN A HOLE". 

C 130 DIPLOMACY

postscript:

NEW INFORMATION INDICATES THAT AS THE CONFLICT IN ISRAEL AND GAZA SEEMS IMMINENT, STORES ARE BEING SHOPPED OUT OF DRIED BEANS PULSES AND GRAINS. THOSE ARE THE CROPS WE CAN AND DO PRODUCE EFFECTIVELY IN CANADA. OIL SEED PRODUCTION IS OUR SECOND LARGEST CROP  IN CANADA. THOSE ARE THE BASIC FOODS WHICH UNHOUSED REFUGEES NEED DELIVERED. 

TEN YEARS AGO I ADVOCATED FOR A CANADIAN GOVERNMENT SPONSORED INCREASE IN FOOD PRODUCTION WITH THE FIRST AIM BEING TO CREATE A MORE SECURE FOOD SUPPLY FOR CANADA AND ALL CANADIAN CITIZENS. 

AN ADDITIONAL AIM WAS TO HAVE FREE BASIC FOOD DISTRIBUTION TO OUR  CANADIAN CITIZENS WHO CAN NOT AFFORD ALL OF THE FOOD THEY NEED.

THE "C 130 " DIPLOMACY WOULD INVOLVE FLYING OUR SURPLUS OF FOOD WHICH WOULD BE CREATED TO FAMINE OR DISASTER OR OTHER AREAS WHERE A FOOD SUPPLY WOULD BE REQUIRED.

ONE OF THE OBJECTIONS TO ALLOWING REFUGEES TO LEAVE GAZA OR ISRAEL IS THAT THERE WOULD BE NO WAY TO SUPPORT THOSE REFUGEES IN EGYPT.

 

ORDINARY LIFE WHEN I LOOK BACK AT IT, WAS JUST A WASTE OF TIME.

I LAY THERE THINKING: "WAS I BRAIN-DEAD OR STUNNED"? WHEN I REMEMBER THE TIME I SPENT NOT DOING WRITING, ART, AND MUSIC. I WENT TO WORK, I RODE MY MOTORCYCLE, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND, I SAT AROUND WITH GROUPS OF PEOPLE, WHO WERE SMOKING AND DRINKING AND WE WERE TALKING AND LAUGHING, BUT IT ALL SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN POINTLESS.

FAMILY LIFE RANGED FROM HORRIFIC BETRAYAL TO CLOYING TIME WASTING.

THERE WERE MOMENTS OF JOY RIDING MY MOTORCYCLES AND LAUGHING AT THE ROUND TABLE BEFORE IT HOSTED MORE SERIOUS DISCUSSION WHICH I ENJOYED EVEN MORE AND WHICH DID WORK TO FURTHER DEVELOP AND INSPIRE ART, WRITING AND MUSIC.

WHEN I LOOK BACK AT DOING PAPER MACHE' OR LOST WAX CASTING OR MUSIC COMPOSITION AND PRACTICE, I THINK OF THAT TIME AS TIME WELL SPENT IN THE PURSUIT OF A CAREER AS AN ARTIST EVEN THOUGH, SADLY, THAT DID NOT GET TO HAPPEN.

I THINK THAT SEVERE INJURY AND THE VIRTUAL PARALYSIS WHICH FOLLOWED WAS EXACERBATED BY THE CONTINUAL BETRAYAL BY OUR SOCIETY'S INSTITUTIONS THROUGH THE DENIAL OF NECESSARY SUPPORT  FOR MYSELF WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS PAID FOR WITH PREMIUMS AND TAXES.

I AROSE SLOWLY, BIT BY BIT, FROM TONIC IMMOBILITY OR SHELL SHOCK  OR A PERIOD OF WORSENED " STIFF PERSON SYNDROME" AND I WAS PROBABLY HAPPY WITH BEING UP AND AROUND AND MAKING A LIVING AGAIN.

WHEN I NO LONGER HAD TO WORK TO MAKE A LIVING, FROM 2001, TO 2016, WHEN I WAS BADLY CRIPPLED AGAIN, I DID THE MOST VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT WRITING, ART, COMPOSITION, MUSICAL PERFORMANCE, PAPER MACHE' AND ITS ANIMATION AND VIDEOS FOR YOUTUBE.

THERE HAD BEEN PREVIOUS TO THIS A FEW PERIODS OF TIME WHERE I DID A LOT OF ART OR MUSIC COMPOSITION, LYRIC WRITING AND RECORDING THAT.

THERE HAD BEEN A FEW YEARS HERE AND THERE WHERE I WORKED ON MY LIVE PERFORMANCE ON HARMONICA.

ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED SKILLS HAD TO BE COMBINED TO SUCCEED AT WHAT I SOUGHT TO ACCOMPLISH. 

ABOUT DOGMA

DOGMA IS THE DOCTRINE WHICH INCLUDES ALL OF THE BELIEFS AND ALL OF THE EXPECTATIONS OF THE MEMBERS OR SUBJECTS OF A RELIGION, A CULT, A GANG, A SOCIETY, OR EVEN INFORMAL UNORGANIZED CLIQUES.

+++++++

ABOUT TOTAL RECALL

I FIND MYSELF REMEMBERING EVERY LITTLE THING AND LATER I REALIZE WHAT THE BIG THINGS WERE.

I WAS WATCHING A SPY MOVIE SERIES, BERLIN STATION, AND I NOTICED A CHARACTER WAS  SPEAKING ABOUT SOMETHING HE HAD NOT EVER BEEN INFORMED ABOUT. TRIVIAL, BUT IT DOES INDICATE THAT I POSSESS ACCURATE PERCEPTION AND RECALL.

I REMEMBER THINGS WHICH THE PERSON I AM SPEAKING TO WAS THE MAJOR CHARACTER IN AND THEY DO NOT QUICKLY RECALL WHAT THEY DID!

I HAVE TAKEN GINKGO  BILOBA  FOR AT LEAST 30 YEARS. NUTRITIONAL YEAST WAS A STAPLE. I HAD MULTIVITAMIN, FOLIC ACID, SELENIUM, CALCIUM, D3, GLUCOSAMINE  CHONDRIOTIN AND DIGESTIVE ENZYMES AS WELL. 

FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS, IN ADDITION I HAVE CONSUMED L-ORNITHINE , LYSINE, L-ARGININE, MAGNESIUM CITRATE, LECITHIN, AND PROBIOTICS.

I DO NOT EAT PROCESSED FOOD. I DO NOT EAT MEAT. I DO CONSUME SUGAR AND HONEY IN MODERATION AND MY DIET IS PROBABLY 80 % VEGETABLES, WITH PART OF THAT BEING FRUIT WHICH I HAVE IN MY DAILY PROTEIN SHAKE.

ABOUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH I HAVE TO BECOME ATHLETIC AND FIT TO OVERCOME "STIFF PERSON" OR TONIC IMMOBILITY OR SHELL SHOCK AND BECOME ACTIVE AGAIN.

TIMES WHEN I WAS VERY FIT WILL BE CITED AS "YOU ARE NOT DISABLED."

I WAS PONDERING THIS AND I REALIZED THAT DURING THE TIMES I WAS RECOVERED FROM MY DISABILITY IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED BY MY GRADUALLY AND SLOWLY BECOMING MORE AND MORE FIT.

DISABLED IN 1970, I WAS VIRTUALLY PARALYZED UNTIL 1974. I BECAME FIT BY ICE SKATING AND ROLLER SKATING BY 1977.

I HAD ONLY A COUPLE OF DAYS PER WEEK OF PROPER MOBILITY FROM 1974 TO 1977.

INJURED IN DECEMBER OF 1986, I ROSE TO A VERY FIT STATE IN 1991 AND 1992 THROUGH MUSIC PRACTICE AND DANCE PRACTICE WHICH I DID NEARLY EVERY DAY BY 1990.

WHEN I WAS IN ENGLAND IN THE FALL OF 1992 I WAS DANCING AND PERFORMING SO WELL CHARLIE WATTS ASKED ME TO JOIN HIM AT THE JAZZ CLUB TO PLAY WITH HIS JAZZ BAND. THEN I WAS INFORMED THAT POLICE, CRD , BAILIFFS AND SHERIFFS WERE SENT TO MY HOME TO SEIZE IT AND MY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS BY MY EX-WIFE WHO CLAIMED THAT MY HOUSE WAS"HER FUTURE SUPPORT AND I WAS NEGLECTING IT". 

I WAS TERRIFIED, I HAD TO GET BACK TO MY HOUSE AND NOT LEAVE IT. I TOTALLY LOST MY VIM, MY VIGOR AND MY CONFIDENCE. I COULD NOT PERSUADE ANYONE TO STAY AT OTTER POINT HOUSE BECAUSE THE POLICE WERE TRYING TO SEIZE MY HOME.

IN 1993 MY EX-WIFE, ALLEGEDLY DELIVERING MY SON LOUIS FOR A VISIT LUNGED AT ME, SCRATCHED AT MY EYES AND ACCUSED ME OF DEALING COCAINE. I THOUGHT I HAD SLIPPED ON EMPTY 2 L PLASTIC BOTTLES. I HAD ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED A DAMAGING LONG LASTING COLLAPSE. IT WAS NOT UNTIL 1996 THAT I MANAGED TO ROLLERBLADE AND DO MUSIC PRACTICE AND DANCE MY WAY TO A FIT STATE AGAIN. 

IN OCTOBER OF 1996 I WAS FALSELY IMPRISONED, FROZEN, CHAINED FOR SIX HOURS IN AN UNHEATED UNVENTILATED SHERIFF VAN AND TERRIBLY PHYSICALLY CRIPPLED AGAIN. 

I COULD NO LONGER DANCE BUT I ROLLERBLADED MY WAY TO FITNESS AGAIN BY LATE 1997. I WAS CRASHED INTO BY PINCOMBE IN DECEMBER OF 1997. THEN, JUNE 8 1998, THE SAINT MICHAEL'S BUS LIFTED MY CAR BY ITS DOOR BY J-HOOKING AND THE CAR CAME DOWN ON MY HEAD. 

WITHIN A FEW WEEKS I WAS DISABLED AS BADLY AS I HAD EVER BEEN AND I NEVER DANCED LIVE ON ANY STAGE AGAIN, I DID STILL DANCE WITH WOMEN, AT CLUBS, AND I DID ROLLERBLADE AND DO MUSIC PRACTICE SOMEHOW.  

THE FINAL BLOWS WERE STRUCK BY MY BEING SWARMED BY SHERIFFS WHEN I WAS A PLAINTIFF IN MY CIVIL CASE IN THE BRITISH COLUMBIA SUPREME COURT. I DEVELOPED A SEVERE SWAYBACK AND I WAS TERRIFIED OF ROLLERBLADING AND MANY OTHER THINGS. 

MY BROTHER ANDREW, UNINVITED, STORMED INTO MY HOUSE SHOUTING THAT HE WAS GOING TO TELL  THE POLICE I WAS HARASSING HIM.  

I HAD LEARNED ABOUT THE THEFT OF MY INHERITANCES FROM AUNT ANNETTE AND UNCLE ALBERT AND I PHONED ANDREW ABOUT THAT. HE DID NOT ANSWER, I LEFT TWO MESSAGES.

HE TORE UP THE LAWN WITH HIS TRUCK, HE KICKED HENRY DOG AND HE HIT ME IN MY CHEST AT OTTER POINT HOUSE WITH A TEN FINGER TAI CHI BLOW AND I NEVER PLAYED HARMONICA AGAIN FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE OR SO. 

I CANNOT RECALL WHAT HAPPENED FIRST, THE SWARMING OR THE BLOW. I THINK BOTH ATROCITIES WERE IN 2001.

I KNOW THIS: I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED, I HAVE NEVER DANCED AGAIN, I HAVE NOT PERFORMED IN PUBLIC AGAIN, I CANNOT ROLLERBLADE.

 

I COULD STILL DO THIS EVEN AFTER I HAD A SERIES OF COLLAPSES IN 2015 AND 2016, BUT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY AND FOR ONLY A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. 

IN 2021 I WAS WALKING PAST THE DITCH THE REDNECK LAND RAPERS DUG TO RUIN MY PROPERTY. THE C-CAN WE WERE GOING TO INSTALL BLOCKED MOST OF THE DRIVEWAY.

MY LEFT LEG COLLAPSED ( THE SIGHT OF THE DITCH HAD CAUSED COLLAPSES PREVIOUSLY) AND I FELL INTO THE DITCH AND SINCE THEN I COULD NOT EVEN DO MUSIC PRACTICE ANYMORE. I CAN NOT GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING (WHERE I AM NOT SEATED) FOR MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES. 

 

When a Narcissistic Parent Scapegoats the Other Parent: a.k.a. Parental Alienation In today's video I examine the destructive impact of one parent scapegoating the other. Also known as parental alienation, this practice requires the child to side with the narcissistic parent or else. First, I discuss two reasons why a narcissistic parent scapegoats the other parent. Second, I describe the emotional and developmental costs to the child of the scapegoat parent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fggZyMXlDpI   This is his video I have not watched it yet. The description sounds like home life with my Mother and with my ex-wife. even now that I am virtually Paralyzed at age seventy seven I continue to be "the accused".